Moms: Act Your Age, Not Her Jean Size

Mothers and daughters of all ages are in increasingly complex relationships, warns gender studies author Susan Shapiro Barash–and we use shopping as a misguided panacea.

That warning nagged in my mind this past weekend as my Mom and I went shopping and had lunch in the restaurant of a big department store, joining scores of mother-daughter pairs enacting the same ritual. It’s the quintessential bonding experience, but just past the shared dressing rooms and Cobb salads are often fraught relationships that will keep therapists in business for decades to come.

In her new book, You’re Grounded Forever… But First, Let’s Go Shopping, Barash offers a new twist on the age-old topic of mothering, arguing that expectations for mother-daughter connections are greater than ever before–and we’re falling short. All too often mothers make excuses for their daughters, fail to set limits and in turn hold their daughters back even if they have the best of intentions. Daughters, meanwhile, learn early to manipulate the situation and sneak in that extra pair of shoes at the end of the shopping trip (or a whole lot worse.)

Barash’s book is full of both approachable research and clear advice for mothers and daughters of every age. If you are a mother of a young daughter, consider it preventative medicine.

Read my full Psychology Today review here. The editors voted my blog review of the book “essential reading” and featured the piece under the parenting section. A similar review will go up later today on Huffington Post, too.